Thursday, January 2, 2014

The New Bride Giveaway!

Hello darlings!

Hope you all had a safe and fun holiday season!

Thank you for hanging in there as I work to get my blog back on a roll.

My New Years resolution is to post at least twice a week. I have sooooo many fun posts coming up and can't wait to share them!

I figured, what better way to start off the New Year than do a cool giveaway!!!!

This isn't like any average giveaway!

A few years ago, I moved into a beautiful, old house by the water in Connecticut.  Upon my arrival there, I started finding the coolest things hidden away under creaky floorboards and in attic hiding spots. I found old toys, letters and a beautiful vintage wedding gown. I started feeling like Amélie!

So, in the fashion of Amélie, I'm giving away the beautiful dress! I would love it to go to someone who really will cherish it! How can you win it?

Follow me and my lovely cupcake twin on instagram: apocalypticcupcake and jessiswonderland

Follow our blogs:, and

Tag your entries on instagram with: #thenewbridegiveaway  #apocalypticcupcakegiveaway

I will be picking a winner on March 1st 2014!

Good luck and stay tuned for more blogging goodness and fun giveaways!


Wednesday, November 13, 2013

"Like a hot knife through butter" a/k/a the time I decided to get my clit pierced.

i had been toying with the idea for a while. i wanted to complete my piercing “collection” so far i had my tongue, nose, nipples and belly button. my RIP piercings: eyebrow, labret, and side of lip.
so, like any normal thing i do, i decided randomly, at midnight it had to be done! oh yes! it did! so, i put on my “i <3 john cusack” shirt and forced my friend kyle to go with me. she was kind of excited. she wanted to see me scream and/or possibly die from pain.

we arrived at my piercing/tattoo place and i was ready to go! woohoo! the lovely lady piercer offered to show me HER piercing, but i told her it was cool. she told me that nipple piercings hurt a lot more and that the clit piercing would be “like a hot knife through butter”.  alrighty! awesome! my nipple piercings didn’t hurt at all. then we decided on a vertical piercing given my girlie parts are on the smaller side. NOW HERE IS WHERE THIS STORY NEEDS TO HIT A SCREECHING HALT (kind of like the ride that almost killed me).

i should probably have observed that lovely piercer lady’s HORIZONTAL piercing on her large clit which was most likely part of a sloppy, chewed up vag situation. i should have also noticed the fact that she was at most an A cup.


remy has a 36-38D/DD chest and a nice small, polite cookie. yeah, i just called it a small, polite cookie.  that’s the best way to describe it. it’s neat, and compact and nothing is amiss.

now, these differences matter GREATLY!!!!

the smaller your boobs, the more pain and the larger and sloppier your girlie parts, the less pain…because come on! we all know large sloppy obnoxious things have no feelings! i mean, just look at snooki.

my pain tolerance is ridiculously high. so, i was ready! kyle was standing next to me and holding my hand, just in case…..but, c’mon! i’m a fucking champion! BRING IT ON!!!!!!!

so, i’m laying there thinking to myself  ”all right a hot knife through butttt…HOLLLLYYYY FUUUCKKKK MYYYY ASSSSSSS!!!!!” my eyes completely cross. whoaaaaaa piercer laddddy!!!!! that was not like a hot knife through butter! that was like a fucking thick piercing needle being shoved through my small, polite cookie!

so, after my eyes uncross and i thank the lovely piercer lady for the wonderful time, we walk out to the car, which was horrible. moving the lower half of my body was just the worst thing i’d ever felt. butttttt now, i must drive home. awesome. my car is stick. fuck. although this pain is just the worst, i’m pretty stoked about my new piercing. it’s just so…so….CUTE!

however, waking up in the morning, pulling back your blankets and having it look like someone has murdered something in your bed is NOT cute! forget the horse head scene from the godfather. that had NOTHING on this!  i called the tattoo/piercing place and they were kind of freaked out and told me that the piercer would not be in until later. so, i talked to a friend who had a bunch of genital piercings. he told me they bleed like crazy for two days and then heal uber quickly and how it’s definitely more awkward if you’re a dude. he was right. two days later the bloodening of doom ceased and everything healed quite quickly.

i was left with a very cute piercing in my small, polite cookie.

The time I almost met my demise due to my boobs.

a few years ago, my coworkers and i got season passes for six flags - magic mountain. it seemed like a really good idea. we worked only about 30 minutes away. it was the fall so, the park was pretty empty and open late around halloween.  so, after work every day we would all go and have an awesome time for a couple of hours and then go home. the weekends we would stay until the park closed or until someone puked from riding a ride too many times. yes, this actually happened. no, it wasn’t me, i’m a fucking roller coaster champion!

so, there was this new ride TATSU which, i had been on several times before. when you get in, you sit down and your legs are dangling, they pull down the restraint which goes over your shoulders, chest and down to your lap. once that is in place, you are lifted up so your face is facing the ground. it’s fucking awesome.

now, here is where i must explain the anatomy of a Remy-Xtin. not only do i have the face of an anime character, but i have the body of one….really big boobs….a tiny waist and a bubble butt….so, what will restrain my boobs, will not necessarily properly restrain the rest of my body if, let’s say, i’m jarred around a lot.

this was probably the fourth time i had been on this ride and everything was going fine….until i started shifting….A LOT….so, i started holding on for dear life, hoping that i didn’t shift too much more.
the ride came in to unload, we were still face down, above over 10 feet of metal and concrete and it came to a screeching halt. that last screeching halt did it. i started to slip and you just hear a horrible “help! i’m going to fucking die!” squeak come out of my mouth as i’m desperately clinging on, my body sliding out of the restraint. luckily my boyfriend at the time was on one side of me and one of my male coworkers was on the other side of me and they both grabbed a hold of me.  as if this wasn’t bad enough, there was an issue with the set of cars in front of us so, we were stuck there for about 10 minutes.

when we finally got in, the idiots working there were horrified at the sight of me hanging out of the ride, two guys clinging on to me so i don’t fall, yet, here i am actually laughing hysterically because what else can i do?…’s so ridiculous… i really going to fall over 10 feet and smash my fucking face open? really? how stupid!

they get me down and are wondering what happened and my coworker tells them it’s because they didn’t secure me properly and an argument ensues….one that ends with a teenage guy telling me that it’s not his fault that i have big boobs that could be a hazard.



i just start imagining the epic “HAZARD - BIG BOOBS” signs.

that was the last time i went on TATSU with my hazardous boobs.

if you ever see me and i have caution tape wrapped around my chest, you’ll know why. those motherfuckers can kill !!!!!!!

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Getting to knowwww

- Questionnaire 1 -

HAIR: What hair color looks best on you and what's your natural color? My natural hair color is black, however, I think hot pink is the most fitting hair color for me :)

SKIN: Do you tan easily? I don't tan at all.....I just burn. I have very delicate porcelain doll skin.

EYES: What is your favorite show to watch?  Breaking Bad, American Horror Story, The Killing, The Walking Dead, Adventure Time, MLP, Bob's Burgers, Home Movies, Metalocalypse, Powerpuff Girls (to name a few)

NOSE: What is your favorite perfume/candle fragrance?
Candles = I'm a candle and scented oil junkie, I love to mix scents and my all-time favorite home fragrance mix is Bath & Bodyworks' Creamy Nutmeg mixed with Frosted Cranberry and Winter Candy Apple.

Perfume = I have a ridiculously giant collection of body sprays and perfumes. I always smell like cupcakes, candy, or candy-covered cupcakes!

MOUTH: Do you want to kiss anyone right now? Sure!

TONGUE: What was in your last meal? Cupcakes ;)

WINDPIPE: Do you sing? My grandma was a professional blues singer and I was very fortunate to inherit her amazing voice and lungs :)

NECK: Do you wear necklaces? Sure do! I also make them!

EARS: How many piercings do you have (if any)? Ears = a few in each, although I only wear one in each. Body = nose, tongue (my first 'real piercing' which I got at 15), nipples, belly and clit. (R.I.P. piercings consist of eyebrow, labret and right side of lip)

CHEEKS: Do you blush easily? Definitely not ;)

WRISTS: Have you ever broken a bone? Yes, I am super clumsy!  I have broken toes on too many occasions to count, fingers, foot and hand

HANDS: Are you an artist/writer? I am both an artist and a writer. I write everything from music, to novels, to screenplays. When it comes to art, I love drawing, painting (acrylics and watercolors are my favorite types of paints), I make jewelry and other crafts (I'm a huge DIY nerd) and I am also a hair stylist/makeup artist.

FINGERS: Do you play an instrument? I play violin, shredddalllin, guitar and also mix EDM.

HEART: Are you in love? If so, does the one you love know?
Yes, madly, and I'm pretty sure my new vw project knows how much I love her heehee.....I am also in love with a wonderful guy!

LUNGS: Do you smoke cigarettes? I smoke BLU e-cigs in menthol and vanilla

CHEST: Are your maternal/parental instincts strong? Yes!

STOMACH: Do you feel confident in your body image? I'm always wanting to change a few things.

BACK: Are you a virgin? Most definitely........not.

HIPS: Do you like to dance? Love it! I created my own form of burlesque called 'electrolesque' that infuses burlesque with pop, lock, liquid, complex contortions and a bit of hip-hop. It's like Cirque Du Soliel meets EDM meets burlesque.

THIGHS: Has anyone ever called you fat or ugly? Of course they have, do I care?, not really.

KNEES: Have you ever cheated on someone? Definitely not.

ANKLES: Have you ever been arrested? Nope, however, the day is young!

FEET: Favorite pair of shoes? Oh man, I'm just going to have to say: my entire collection!


*1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up:

1. Bjork - army of me 2. Kerli - zero gravity 3. Skrillex - summit 4. Alex clare - too close 5. Refused - new noise 6. Blue Foundation - Eyes On Fire (Zed's Dead remix)

* 2) Do you have any tattoos?: yes, lots and my next shall be the insane full back - over-shoulders piece my artist and I have been planning for quite a while :)

* 3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17:  "Descartes' radical new idea seperating the spiritual mind from the physical body...."

* 4) What do you think about most?: my future :)

* 5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?: "wubz ♥♡♥♡"

* 6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on?: Depends on the weather and who I'm in bed with. If I'm in bed alone or with Dan, usually just a jam-jam shirt or nakies with my robe nearby.  If I'm sharing my bed with a friend or Aiden wants to sleep with me, I wear a pair of cute jammies.

* 7) What’s your strangest talent?: I am a contortionist.

* 8) What is your favorite food?:  French, Mexican and cupcakes!

* 9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?: yes, many.

* 10) Do you sing in your car?: I sing, I dance, I have no shame!

* 11) Do you have any strange phobias?: yes, however I'm not posting it as I'll end up getting randomly bombarded with pictures of said awkward phobia.

* 12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?: yes, on many occasions.

* 13) What’s your religion?: I'm a bit of a mix.

* 14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?: Breathing. I bet I'm breathing.

* 15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?:  Behind it.

* 16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?: hmmmm, I have too many to list.

* 17) What is your favorite book?: "Wisconsin Death Trip", "She's Come Undone"

* 18) Do you believe in karma?: Yes.

* 19) What does your URL mean?: haha only a few close friends truly know ;)

* 20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?: my son, in a good way :)  my greatest strength is my mind :)

* 21) Who is your celebrity crush?: eh, I don't have one, I'm boring.

* 22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?: too many times to even count!

* 23) How do you vent your anger?: writing, blasting music whilst driving

* 24) Do you have a collection of anything?: books, victorian medical equipment and text, hello kitty, cupcakes, makeup, shoes, lingerie,  striped socks, the souls of younger guys.

* 25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?: both are fine.

* 26) Are you happy with the person you’ve become?: I'm at a stage where I'm a little caterpillar in my cocoon and soon, I'll emerge as a lovely butterfly :)

* 27) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?: i hate anything high-pitched.....I have extremely sensitive ears (I can hear dog whistles). I love the sound of thunderstorms and the rumble of an amazing exhaust system.

* 28) What’s your biggest “what if”?: what if I were to become a unicorn?

* 29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?: yes and yes

* 30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm: right arm: kitty pile, left arm: giant boxes of goodies from my most recent Ulta and Urban Decay hauls!

* 31) Smell the air. What do you smell?: apple strudel

* 32) What’s the worst place you have ever been to?: new jersey

* 33) Choose East Coast or West Coast?: east!

*34) Eye color?: bright green

* 35) To you, what is the meaning of life?: Love and helping others

* 36) Define Art: art, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.

* 37) Do you believe in luck?: Yes.

* 38) What’s the weather like right now?: cold and rainy! Love it!

* 39) What time is it?: As of right now, 12:40 pm

* 40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?: yes, I drive (I'm actually a professionally trained and licensed race car driver)
I have never been in an accident that's been my fault *knocks on wood*, just rear-ended on many occasions and once an oil truck backed over the hood of my new car....a week after a kid rear-ended it.

* 41) What was the last book you read?: In general? A lab book whilst dissecting a brain.

* 42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?: I like the smell of exhaust much better :)

* 43) Do you have any nicknames?: yesssss....many.

* 44) What was the last movie you saw?: something obscure on Netflix called 'upstream color'

* 45) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?: my back injury from a car accident where i was rear-ended.  I had to have emergency spine surgery and learn how to walk again.

* 46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?: no, butterflies should fly free :)

* 47) Do you have any obsessions right now?: the same ones as always,  cupcakes, organization, makeup goodies, glitter, VWs and Audis, list making, the Victorian era etc.

* 48) What’s your sexual orientation?: I love for the soul, not for the shell.

* 49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?: of course

* 50) Do you believe in magic?: yes :)

* 51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?: I'm a forgive, but not forget kind of person

* 52) What is your astrological sign?: virgo

* 53) Do you save money or spend it?: both

* 54) What’s the last thing you purchased - small, medium and large?: small - hot chocolate this morning before class. Medium - my Ulta and Urban Decay hauls. Large - my MK4 Jetta project car (Candy White on black)

* 55) Love or lust?: they say we can love who we trust, but what is love without lust? ;)

* 56) In a relationship?: yes

* 57) How many relationships have you had?: major ones....several.

* 58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue?: noooo...I have a small nose :P

* 59) Where were you yesterday?: school

* 60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?: there is something pink ON life revolves around pink.

* 61) Are you wearing socks right now?: nope

* 62) What’s your favorite animal?: I'm a big animal lover. Kitties, puppies and horses I have a particular weak spot for.

* 63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?: I don't have one....I just act like myself and like me or hate me, I really don't care.

* 64) Where is your best friend?: I have a few.

* 65) Spit or swallow?: hahaha spitting isn't polite.

* 66) What is your heritage?: German/Brazilian/Irish + Irish/Greek/Sicilian

* 67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?: talking to Jessi, my cupcake twin :)

* 68) What is your favorite time of year?: fall and winter are tied

* 69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?: who hasn't? 

* 70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?: definitely

* 71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?: save the dog, duh. Fuck my uppity boss.

* 72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?: a. Only those really close to me. b. Spend as much time with my loved ones as possible and have fun.  c. Of course I'd be afraid, however, I'm sure I'll make my peace rather quickly and realize I've lived my life as best as I can.

* 73) You can only have one of these things; trust or love: in my life, there is no love without trust.

* 74) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?: skrillex - with you, friends (long drive)

* 75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?: **** ;)

* 76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?:
love, trust, someone who appreciates my quirky ways and a lot of laughs :)

* 77) How can I win your heart?: be a kind, genuine person with a great sense of humor.

* 78) Can insanity bring on more creativity?: I'm living proof of that one.

* 79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?: becoming a mum :)

* 80) What size shoes do you wear?: it depends on the brand and type of shoe, usually a 10, I'm 5'9" so, I need big feet

* 81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?: another one bites the dust

* 82) What is your favorite word?: ethereal

* 83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart: beat

* 84) What is a saying you say a lot?: well, fucktarts

* 85) What’s the last song you listened to?: rusko - hold on

* 86) Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors?: glitter, pink, baby blue, lavender, white and black

* 87) What is your current desktop picture?: depends on which imac - creepy bunny painting, macbook - mark ryden painting, back up mac - sir john tenniel Alice drawing, gaming laptop - another sir john tenniel Alice drawing

* 88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?: hahaha I'm going to keep this one to myself

* 89) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?: none of them

* 90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?:  name them, dress them in schmancy outfits and keep them as pets....kind of like the movie Fido, but with mummies

* 91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?:  the power to stop time ;)

* 92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?: my fourth birthday...any time throughout that day.

* 93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?: I wouldn't change anything.  Everything that happens makes us who we are today.

* 94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?: honestly,  nobody.

* 95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?: Australia to visit my cupcake twin! :)

* 96) Do you have any relatives in jail?: nope.

* 97) Have you ever thrown up in the car?: never.

* 98) Ever been on a plane?: yes, too many times to count!

* 99) Have you ever been stalked?: unfortunately,  yes. A couple of times. It was pretty terrible.

* 100) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?: I would just scream MUFFINS!!!!!!! as loud as possible.

Monday, September 9, 2013


Now, don't get me wrong, I love Pinterest as much as every other DIY-crafting-cooking-organizational freak out there, however, whilst searching for some inspiration for my dressing room/studio, I found that it was causing me more headaches and delays than if I just did my own anal retentive organization.

I was first told about Pinterest several years ago by my now ex-husband. It was during the 'invitation only' days of Pinterest and I was lucky to get an invite. As I looked through it, I didn't really find anything that grabbed me and I wouldn't look at it for another two years.

When my boyfriend and I moved into our new home, I was excited to be graced with a room (and full bathroom), bigger than most people's apartments in Manhattan, that was ALL MINE! I planned to turn it into a super epic dressing room/studio/sanctuary.  Oh, the plans!!!!

My first hiccup came when I realized NONE of the current shelving I owned would fit properly against the walls (as the walls slanted downward).  I needed new shelves....and several of them, stat.  Then there was my makeup collection, it needed a home. Not to mention my wardrobe and shoes which wouldn't fit into the large built-in closet the way i wanted it to. I also wanted an amazing vanity! Oh, and a desk that I could use whilst sitting on the floor to avoid back strain. The list went on....however, little did I know about the list that would be in store for me in the upcoming weeks.

Soon, I had everything I needed, 8 new bookcases, 2 sets of drawers, 2 clothing racks, tables, rugs lamps, a vanity (one I had been searching for for years, at that!) etc. etc. and I was ready to get the job done! Nothing could stop me! I was pumped! And then, *pop* My already extremely delicate back decided to give out completely. 

As I lay in bed with my heating pad, chocked full of pain relievers, I thought to myself "hey, why not check out Pinterest for a few ideas".

Hours pass. That soon turn into days. I just stare at my phone. Search for more ideas. Re-pin many, PDF many more.

Suddenly I'm questioning all of my original plans. I'm actually thinking about wallpapering the backs of my shelves and I have an uncontrollable need to purchase at least 10 gallons of Mod Podge (because,  obviously,  16 oz is just NOT enough). All plans are suddenly haulted. I have no friggin' clue how I want to proceed. I think about it. Then, suddenly I want to just renovate the ENTIRE HOUSE....or maybe, just MOVE! YES! Moving will solve all of this!!!!! What the actual fuck has come over me?!?! 

Pinterest is like crack for people with OCD DIY personalities. That's what the actual fuck had come over me.

I start to feel better and just ignore Pinterest for a little while.  I know what I want and what I need out of my room. I also know what isn't a necessity.  I realize that the best use of Pinterest, for a creative person like myself, is a quick browse to find an easier, more cost-effective way to do my projects and sometimes,  when I am at a complete loss for ideas, five minutes or so just to get some thoughts going.

As for my dressing room/studio, it's coming along just fine without a Pinterest binge. If I have ideas I can't choose between, I bounce said ideas off of a close friend who knows what I'm trying to go for.

Pinterest needs you more than you need it. Remember that.