a few years ago, my coworkers and i got season passes for six flags - magic mountain. it seemed like a really good idea. we worked only about 30 minutes away. it was the fall so, the park was pretty empty and open late around halloween. so, after work every day we would all go and have an awesome time for a couple of hours and then go home. the weekends we would stay until the park closed or until someone puked from riding a ride too many times. yes, this actually happened. no, it wasn’t me, i’m a fucking roller coaster champion!
so, there was this new ride TATSU which, i had been on several times before. when you get in, you sit down and your legs are dangling, they pull down the restraint which goes over your shoulders, chest and down to your lap. once that is in place, you are lifted up so your face is facing the ground. it’s fucking awesome.
now, here is where i must explain the anatomy of a Remy-Xtin. not only do i have the face of an anime character, but i have the body of one….really big boobs….a tiny waist and a bubble butt….so, what will restrain my boobs, will not necessarily properly restrain the rest of my body if, let’s say, i’m jarred around a lot.
this was probably the fourth time i had been on this ride and everything was going fine….until i started shifting….A LOT….so, i started holding on for dear life, hoping that i didn’t shift too much more.
the ride came in to unload, we were still face down, above over 10 feet of metal and concrete and it came to a screeching halt. that last screeching halt did it. i started to slip and you just hear a horrible “help! i’m going to fucking die!” squeak come out of my mouth as i’m desperately clinging on, my body sliding out of the restraint. luckily my boyfriend at the time was on one side of me and one of my male coworkers was on the other side of me and they both grabbed a hold of me. as if this wasn’t bad enough, there was an issue with the set of cars in front of us so, we were stuck there for about 10 minutes.
when we finally got in, the idiots working there were horrified at the sight of me hanging out of the ride, two guys clinging on to me so i don’t fall, yet, here i am actually laughing hysterically because what else can i do?…..it’s so ridiculous…..am i really going to fall over 10 feet and smash my fucking face open? really? how stupid!
they get me down and are wondering what happened and my coworker tells them it’s because they didn’t secure me properly and an argument ensues….one that ends with a teenage guy telling me that it’s not his fault that i have big boobs that could be a hazard.
BIG BOOBS THAT COULD BE A HAZARD. DID HE REALLY JUST SAY THAT?
i just start imagining the epic “HAZARD - BIG BOOBS” signs.
that was the last time i went on TATSU with my hazardous boobs.
if you ever see me and i have caution tape wrapped around my chest, you’ll know why. those motherfuckers can kill !!!!!!!